lady days.

these hideous, puffy atrocities are my eyeballs. they look this way because i spent over FOUR HOURS absolutely WEEPING last night in a scary, uncontrollable way. they also look this way because i’m a lunatic who requires liquid eyeliner even when her eyelids are so swollen it’s practically impossible to apply it. so, yes. eyeliner always.

i’m super-stressed lately and entirely exhausted but it sometimes feels BEYOND that. once a month, every few months, it’s these hormones (partially, because i am seconds away from entering my lady days, as my fiance affectionately calls them) that make me feel so small and weak against the weight of my own emotions. and it’s just this LONELY feeling that i can’t shake, even though i know i’m not alone. like i need some confirmation that i’m loved or else i can’t go on. it’s a scary feeling, to NEED with such a passion that men don’t understand. sometimes i just want to know (and i mean, i already KNOW; i just need loving confirmation) that it’s OKAY to ask for affection, a motherfucking bagel, and the utterance of a few choice, sweet words instead of a SOLUTION.

how do other women deal? i can’t even SEE through my contact lenses right now because my eyelids are so swollen they’re threatening to eclipse my pupils. sigh. if by some miracle someone is actually reading this and relating, hear this: you, too, are beautiful, going to be okay, and not crazy, regardless of how others might be looking at you today.

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