’tis short for women of the year, as in the awards ceremony glamour holds each year, and is an event i’ve gone to for the past four years, first as an employee of glamour and then as a guest with thread. this year’s line-up did the usual job of making me feel terrible about myself in terms of the actual nothingness i do for anyone in the world but myself. yes, a clearly tipsy kate hudson (booze? pills? who knows!) presenting a mortifyingly inarticulate and overly self-involved fergie alleviated my guilt a bit, since they are clearly on the same page i am, but julia roberts? turns out she really IS beautiful, and surprisingly HILARIOUS, and apparently the possessor of a good, full, helping heart. (and pals with oprah, who presented her with the award. [yes, ariel, oprah did announce a thing or two in her booming “and you’re all getting one!” voice.]) some other self-shame inducers? constance mcmillan, that high school chick who fought against her school’s irrational decision to cancel prom because she spoke up about not being able to bring her girlfriend as her date. queen rania, who is not only smart and gorgeous and stylish and a freakin’ queen, but funny, and with it, and determined to change the world, one You Tube video at a time. katie spotz, who, at 23, is the youngest person to sail the Atlantic solo, all in the name of clean water for everyone. and oh god: dr. hawa abdi and her daughters, three Somalian doctors who essentially run the only safe refuge camp in Somalia, and provide the only medical care in the state for said refugees. i mean. and there i was, wondering if there would be a new gossip girl DVR-ed when i got home. yeah. life plan change, immediately. any suggestions?

oh and it should be said that donatella (as in versace) was there (yes, all lips, just like you’d expect), and she was presented an award by janet jackson, whose speaking voice sounds exactly and creepily like her brothers. oh, and cher. ba-nanas.